I am always amazed at the comment that people make to one who has lost that it is too soon to move on. As a person who has experienced all kinds of losses I actually tend to take this statement very personally. What do you mean it is too soon to fall in love after your spouse has died or divorced you? What do you mean it is too soon to smile and be happy again after you have suffered a major blow? Where is this invisible timetable that tells us how long we should mourn and suffer for? Why is the end to my misery seen as disloyalty to the one who is gone? People are accused of being too happy or looking too good as if your misery will make the one who left to return. They are shocked that you are alive after what you experienced, instead they want to find you deep in sorrow and depression.
I just want to challenge us to celebrate people who are able to reach a place of closure quickly. Let us not make ourselves the gatekeepers of happiness, checking timeframes and giving people permission to move on. Our responsibility to our loved ones is to support them and to encourage them to close painful chapters in their lives. To me I cannot be happy with statements like: “My parents loved each other so much that after my mom’s death, my dad stopped living.” I want my dad to live, I want him to find a new wife and be happy and make new memories now that my mom is gone. I can’t choose for him but I can put my desire out there and let him know that I’m okay with it. Many parents live in fear of disappointing their grown children, who often live in their own houses with their own spouses.
If you are one of those loved ones who is angry that a dead or divorced loved one is being betrayed, please examine your motives. Let go of your anger. We can never force people to stay, people die and people leave. It hurts when something you cherished ends but the pain of the end doesn’t have to go on forever. Rise and Live. You don’t owe any of us an explanation, just rise up and live.