When will I finish discovering myself?

 

I never imagined that, at the age of 39, I would still be trying to figure out who I am and what I am doing on this earth. I always assumed that these type of problems are for teenagers and for people in their early twenties not for grown-ups in their forties. Is it just me, or do you also live in a place where everyone around you has it all figured out? My peers are building careers, families, mega churches, writing bestseller books, raising amazing kids and just prospering. For some strange reason when you decide to depress yourself by comparing your life with those around you, you tend to only notice those who are doing much better than you. All of a sudden everything you have achieved becomes insignificant. It is the disease of the ‘overachiever’ because in most cases where you are is very far from where you want to be and where you thought you would be by now. 

I have never imagined that I would only be starting my business, family and church in my forties, I always assumed that the age between forty and fifty are for consolidating all the things you started in your twenties. What if you are like me and your life doesn’t follow the script you rehearsed? What are you now going to do with all thes unrealised dreams?

Of all the places I thought I would find comfort, I never thought it could be from ‘Think and Grow Rich.’ “The truth is that man’s most useful years, mentally and spiritually, are those between forty and sixty.” I had to read it twice and then do a happy dance. I’m not late, I’m just at the verge of my most useful years. I’m so excited about being 40, grey hair and the works!!!!

It doesn’t matter how old you are, find something to hold on to. I found mine and trust me when I’m 60, if I’m around, I will find something else. 

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To my sister who longs for marriage and a child

It’s hard to believe that you will be 40 in a few months. I know that this is not the life you dreamt of for yourself and I’m sorry for every dream that never got realised. I wish I had the power to shield you from disappointment, hurt and pain but God endowed none of us with so potent a power.

When I look at the amazing human being that you are, I just assumed that you would be a great wife and mother. It never once crossed my mind that in this mature season of your life you would still not have tasted the sweetness of marriage and the joy of motherhood. If I had the right, I would ask God why He would deny one of His best daughters such an everyday blessing that comes so easily to so many. My convictions do not allow me to ask an all-knowing God to account to a mere mortal like myself.
I have watched your starry eyes dim as each year of being single passed by. I have seen your dreams shift from a big white wedding to anything will do as long as it is official. I have observed with sadness how you kept reducing the number of children you wanted each year from five to if God is willing one is okay or to I don’t really want children anyway.
I know that our upbringing did not prepare you for this reality and I watch you as you stumble to make the best out of it, while you keep your head up high. I wish I had the words to comfort you but your pain is my pain. I can only pray for your strength, for God to bring back the joy in your eyes and the spring in your step. May God find a way to your heart. Do not allow what you don’t have to harden your heart to God’s love. I don’t know if your wedding day or the day you give birth will ever come but I know that you can’t put your joy on hold. I see you baby girl, you are not invisible. And above all, God sees you and He loves you.

What is Daddy’s Girlz?

There are a lot of women who don’t know what it is like to have a Daddy. Some women have never and will never know their earthly fathers; others watched their fathers raising other families but never raising them, whereas some in our society were raised by harsh and unloving fathers or irresponsible and disappointing fathers. Most women don’t have a clue of what the love of a father is, they don’t know how it’s like to have a doting father to take you through the difficulties of life, and they have never experienced the strong arm of a dad during moments of weakness and uncertainty; most women don’t know what it feels like to see the pride of your success through the eyes of a loving father; simply put most women have never had a DADDY.

God is the ultimate DADDY and no matter how old you are as a woman, you will always be His GIRL. As women we are always under so much pressure, we have to be beautiful, strong, polished, and successful, cook amazing meals, be powerful intercessors and be gentle! Society tells us we can be corporate giants and business wizards; whereas the church tells us we can be proverbs 31 women, whilst on the other hand magazine pages tell us that we can be supermodels and supermoms all at once. It’s just not possible and it is such a relief that God assures us that just being HIS GIRL is enough.

Daddy’s Girlz gives women a platform to just be girls, no need to perform or to pretend. Women come together to fellowship with God and with one another. Women come together to explore their gifts, talents and callings. Daddy’s Girlz is our platform to be ourselves, to be great in our own way and not according to society’s rules, DG is ours to shape as we please, it is a place of excellence, love, transition and hope.

We look forward to welcoming you to our next Daddy’s Girlz conference 7-8 March 2019. No matter where life has taken you to and how old or young you are, you are a Daddy’s Girl!

Please inbox us if you would like to be part of our organising team.

From the DG Organising Team

Reintroducing the Daddy’s Girls Conference

Daddy’s Girlz 2007 Conference

Theme: Because this is our time

I always knew I would be involved in the uplifment of women but never knew exactly how it was going to happen. In my heart from the time I started serving the Lord in varsity I knew that God was going to use me to impact women. I have always been surrounded by women who support me and the vision that God has laid in my heart and I knew my responsibility was to introduce them to an intimate relationship with God where we are just all our Daddy’s girlz. I went to a conference with Lizzy Mogale in Rustenburg that Evangelist Mannete Chaba had organised, and it was exactly what I desired to do in the kingdom. From that day a seed was laid in my heart. A couple of months earlier I found myself sitting in a coffee shop with Mannete Chaba and I asked her a lot of questions about the ministry and in summary this is what she said: “I never went out seeking fame but when you are excellent in what you do then people will want to hear what you have to say. She spoke about the fact that big and rich European teams come to dusty African villages to watch an excellent rural boy playing soccer. Even in ministry that is what it takes. She said she hasn’t even scratched the surface with what God has laid in her heart regarding ministering to women in Africa.” I sat in awe listening to this great woman and right there I knew I found a mentor and role model. Less than a year later Mannete died after a long illness. The day I heard I cried so much, I cried because it was too soon and I hadn’t had a chance to know her. A week later at her funeral when speaker after speaker spoke and songs and poems were performed in her honor, in my heart I knew, the baton had been passed to me. If this was indeed a race then I needed to pick up the baton and continue where the woman of God left off. Don’t get me wrong I do not claim Mannete’s greatness and I know there are many women doing great things in the ministry but for me I know that God has called me to reconcile His princesses and daughters to himself.

Daddy’s Girlz is what God laid in my heart as a vehicle to bring women together and to bring them closer to Him. All the accomplishments and accolades that we can have mean absolutely nothing when as women we have this emptiness inside. The emptiness comes because we refuse to embrace the love of the father. This emptiness cannot be filled with boyfriends, husbands, children, friends, careers, material things, worthy projects, etc.

The purpose of this conference is to ensure that all of us stay connected with one another and with our Daddy who makes the family, the career, the business, the community involvement and everything else worthwhile. The conference seeks to heal many from the wounds of the past, to allow others to take their place in the world with confidence knowing that a great Dad is on their side. This is the one place where we all have someone to call Daddy, considering those of us whose fathers died, or they never loved us, or acknowledged us. This is a platform for every woman no matter how young or old or the experience they have had, this is just about us gathering together and being girlz, I hope you get what I mean. We hide our weaknesses and our shortcoming in our Daddy who is our strength and joy and refuge.

Daddy’s Girlz – I hope you get it, just think of a child at school: when someone bothers the kid all he says is I’m going to tell my daddy or when my daddy comes back you are going to be sorry. Or when a loving dad comes home the way the kid runs to the dad or when the kid is afraid when the dad gets there all the fear is gone. Now with our Daddy he can do all things and we are his girlz, I love it!

As for because this is our time: you just have to look around to see that this is the best time to be a woman. All the opportunities that we have will not be here forever and as women it will take discernment to know what to embrace and what to let pass. Without God, in this time of choices, a woman cannot succeed, what we all need is the wisdom to know what to embrace and what to let go.

My journey to Wakanda

I know I’m late but I finally watched Black Panther. I totally loved the movie, less all the rituals of course. I love how black is beautiful in its natural state. I savoured watching all the strong black women, who look like they spend too much time in the gym, fighting battles that I know were only a figment of someone’s imagination. I know that there are many lessons from the movie and when all is said and done it is just the writing of a very creative person but allow me to share my takeaway with you.

I decided to go and watch the movie at 11:24, I checked the time for the next show and it was 6 minutes away. I hurriedly grabbed my backpack and rushed to the movies. The reason why I decided to watch a movie was because I was just too down. Nothing seemed to be working out in my life and I needed some inspiration. Out of all the options I had which included; reading the bible, praying or calling a trusted friend, I decided that the cure for my sadness would be this particular movie.

The last time I watch a 3-D movie was in 2009 when Avatar was released, so as soon as I put on my 3-D glasses I actually moved out of my seat with fright. There I was, a minute ago I had been a sad 39 year old, but at that very moment I was in Wakanda with those majestic women. I watched their well toned bodies fighting with some metal I didn’t even know existed. I looked in wonder at a young girl, a child really, who was a technological genius. I found myself overcome with the desire to go to the majestic mountains of the Eastern Cape where the Xhosa people dwell, in the hope that maybe just maybe Wakanda could be real. When Okoye shouted “Phambili!”, I decided right there and then to charge at my problems. To show every challenge who is boss and to occupy my rightful place as the general of my own life.

I went out to watch a movie and found the answers I had been seeking. My problems will not solve themselves. There is no black panther who is coming to save me, I am my own black panther. There is no Wakanda, all I have is right here, where I am. In the words of Russel H. Cornwell in Acres of Diamonds: “Greatness consists not in the holding of some future office, but really consists in doing great deeds with little means and the accomplishment of vast purposes from the private ranks of life. To be great at all, one must be great here, now. Let every man or woman here, if you never hear me again, remember this, that if you wish to be great at all, you must begin where you are and what you are. He who would be great anywhere must first be great in his own South Africa, not Wakanda.”

I totally loved the movie, it arose something that lay deep inside me and now I am ready to write. And we all know how I just adore Lupita Nyongo and please add to that the amazing Danai Gurira. Phambili Zimbabwe! Phambili Kenya! Phambili Africa!

“Wakanda Forever!”

“Phambili!”

Introducing the MONEY 101 Book

COVER Money 101.pngWhen I decided to write a book about money, I quickly realised that there is a lot of material out there about money. I have always been a student of the subject of personal finance and I concluded that most of our literature doesn’t address the unemployed and those people who don’t have money. I then decided that the day I write about money, I will include everyone. That is why I wrote a simple book about how to make, keep and grow money. The book introduces principles that will take you to the next level financially, irrespective of where it finds you. The most important thing to the person who has no money is fist to make money; but the one who works, earns a salary but is always broke focuses more on keeping more of his/her money. To the person with savings that are not growing, they want to know how to invest in such a way that they can multiply their money.

Money 101 is my personal contribution to finance literature from one layman to another. It is the average person’s guide to changing your mindset about money and designing simple systems that will ensure success in personal money management.

I invite to order this book on https://www.amazon.com/Money-101-Making-keeping-growing-ebook/dp/B077YP6H7C/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1516632230&sr=8-1&keywords=mantsha or if you are in South Africa you can order by depositing R150 into Absa. PM Pheeha. 4075135915. Email physical address and phone number to mantshapheeha@gmail.com and use your name as reference. Postage additional R100 or free delivery in the Johannesburg area.